Brendan Fraser, You Need To Stop.

Please, take this request, just stop it. Stop what, you ask? Everything. Just stop. STOP! We all saw your awkward clap at the Golden Globes, and most of us didn't see Journey to the Center of the Earth, but you Brendan Fraser, need to stop. What? You didn't see his ridiculous clap? Well here is the link: prepare to lose a few brain cells.

You know the voice he used in George of the Jungle? That is his real voice. In real life.

Well anyway, I am done with his career. I think he has had a good run. And when I say "I think he has had a good run" I mean that most of his filmography can be found on VHS tapes at the bottom of a toy box in an abandoned orphanage that has been set on fire. Twice.

His latest film, or abomination of cinema, or cine-bortion rather, is aptly titled Furry Vengeance. I now realize that when I say cine-bortion out load, I imagine cinnamon buns and delightful bakery treats rather than the hell and pain that Brendan Fraser has put me through these past few years. Sadly, the trailer is below - but only for the use of "told you so" and "see what I mean" and "oh my god, my eyes, my eyes are on fire, I want to kill everybody!"



Apologies to Blondie, the country of Canada, any animal involved with the making of this film, and to Brendan Fraser, because now it's just sad. His nature-themed or geography-tastic films have gone to far. Remember the good old days of Air Heads? I remember coming home from school and it was on Comedy Central or VH1: Movies that Rock. Now it's, well, all three Mummy movies [if you want to even consider the third one part of the franchise,] Dudley Do-Right, [Echk,] that Looney Tunes: Back in Action movie [Echk times 2,] Journey to the Center of the Earth [and the upcoming untitled sequel, unfortunately,] Bedazzled I don't really have a problem with that much, kind of, but what the FUCK was Monkeybone? How high did you have to be to enjoy that movie? Oh, and wasn't he in Crash? How dare the Academy affiliate themselves with Brendan Fraser.

I can't even begin to tear apart the above trailer. Remember the last time Hollywood tried to tackle the whole green issue in a proposed "blockbuster" fashion? Remember what movie tanked that was also a sequel to one of the funniest Jim Carey movies since Liar Liar? Yes - we are talking about the awful, shameful, shit-tastic, deserved to win the Razzie, yup you guessed it: Evan Almighty. And John Goodman was in it! I'm not saying that Furry Vengeance is trying or is going for 'bloclbuster' glory, and I'm not even going to try and predict the box office weekend or grand total gross, because I'd probably be wrong. Journey to the Center of the Earth made over 100 million bucks over all which to me is just UNFATHOMABLE.

Well, I am just going to ignore this trailer, and hope the the R-rated and PG-13 movies I see don't have a trailer for it. The port-a-potty gag is just bad - unless they sign on with McDonalds to make a line of toys with Brendan Fraser covered in shit. Let's see, if I had to briefly be a fortune teller or a dude who can see into the future and use his powers to describe shitty movies, I'd say there will be a plethora of funny [boarder-line retarded] faces on behalf of Mr. Fraser, we already know about the port-a-potty gag via the trailer, but we can probably add anywhere from 3 to 10 'getting hit in the crotch' gags, along with hundreds of shitty CGI animals, a messy 'people=bad environment=good' message, one more crotch gag, and some really terrible one-liners.

Working with animals, real or fake, is tough. Did Dr. Doolittle 2 teach us nothing? So, just, Brendan Fraser, would you stop hurting me, please? Make the pain go away! Oh well - the Oscars are next Sunday so I guess I'll just hang in there until then. I have nothing else to say, besides maybe what is your favorite Brendan Fraser movie? And if that question boggles you and you can't think straight - then answer what is your least favorite Brendan Fraser moofie? And Sarah Palin, if you are reading this, apologies for using the word "retarded." You retard.