Oscars Schmoscars

Shiny gold statues. Blabbering celebrities. Dresses and shit. It's time for the Academy Awards! This time they are on ABC, they're 82 years old, and still as shitty as ever. I guess they caught Alec Baldwin in between taping 30 Rock and screaming at his daughter, while Steve Martin was not that busy evading producers and writers trying to show him the Pink Panther 3 script.

That is probably why they are hosting. Who will get swindled this year? What fancy-tie and jeans combo will James Cameron be sporting? Well I guess we will find out March 7th. I was horribly off with my Golden Globe predictions, so let's see how judgmental and wrong I'll be this time.

Will Tilda Swinton slither away from her alien subterranean cave for the red carpet this year?

Seriously though, Tilda Swinton is not from this planet. I actually google image searched her and had no problem trying to find an alien-like photo. On the other hand, it was pretty hard to find a photo where she looked human. A problem that no other celebrity has ... well maybe besides Gary Busey. I don't know what she was up to this year - maybe her human surrogate broke? Harvesting eggs? Growing some new skin? Who knows. All I know is that she scares me. A lot.

Anyways - usually after the Golden Globes and the British Oscars [BAFTA,] we have a good understanding of who may win what and who we don't care about. This year there is an interesting spin, with the expansion of the Best Picture category. It's all about that green stuff - not greed or envy or boogers - just cash. More movie DVD cases can write 'Best Picture Nominee' on it and such. Zang! Hollywood exposed. Right here. Information nobody else ever knew!!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to set it up like I did with the Globes - Who I WANT to win will be in red, Who I THINK will win will be in green, and if they are the SAME, it'll be in blue. I'm not anti-Avatar. It was a good movie. The best movie? Meh. I think that Avatar and District 9 will do very, very well with the technical awards - Star Trek may slip one or two in there. Now, again disclaimer: some of the nominees I want to win I know will not win - but hey, a boy can dream, right? And the nominees I think will win are just based off of popularity and the GG's and the British Oscars and buzz and such.

Performance by an actor in a leading role:

• Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart"
  
• George Clooney in "Up in the Air"
  
• Colin Firth in "A Single Man"
  
• Morgan Freeman in "Invictus"
  
• Jeremy Renner in "The Hurt Locker"
  

Performance by an actor in a supporting role:

• Matt Damon in "Invictus"
  
• Woody Harrelson in "The Messenger"
  
• Christopher Plummer in "The Last Station"
  
• Stanley Tucci in "The Lovely Bones"
  
• Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds"
  

Performance by an actress in a leading role:

• Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side"
  
• Helen Mirren in "The Last Station"
• Carey Mulligan in "An Education"
  
• Gabourey Sidibe in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
  
• Meryl Streep in "Julie & Julia"
  

Performance by an actress in a supporting role:

• Penélope Cruz in "Nine"
• Vera Farmiga in "Up in the Air"
  
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Crazy Heart"
  
• Anna Kendrick in "Up in the Air"
  
• Mo'Nique in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

Best motion picture of the year:

• "Avatar"

• "The Blind Side"

• "District 9"

• "An Education"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• "A Serious Man"

• "Up"

• "Up in the Air"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

• "Avatar"

• "Fantastic Mr. Fox"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Sherlock Holmes"

• "Up"	Michael Giacchino

Achievement in directing:

• "Avatar"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• "Up in the Air"

Best foreign language film of the year:

• "Ajami"

• "El Secreto de Sus Ojos"

• "The Milk of Sorrow"

• "Un Prophète"

• "The White Ribbon"

Enjoy the show. Laugh at the weird reaction shots of random people in the audience. Go online and look up a drinking game for the awards ceremony. Make an Oscar Nomination Pool - put in some dough and maybe you'll get some. Watch with friends, make masks, eat, drink, have fun. Don't be the snobby movie critic and be pissy the entire night and ruin everything. I've seen that happen too many times. The night is just a waste of resources! Viva la Hollywood!