Alice in Whatderland

Alice in ... Wonderland? Underland? Whatderland?

Just to get this out of the way: I'm done with people complaining about how this film wasn't 'Tim Burton-y enough' or it was 'light/diet Tim Burton.' I'm not saying this is like at-his-best wacky Beetlejuice or Eddie Scissorhands Tim Burton, but it's far better than [dare I speak of it,] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yes, goths and Hot Topic-tards are going to rejoice with the black & white striped clothing that will be released, with a splash of red here and there, but who are you to judge what is and isn't Tim Burton? I think that's up to his fucked up head if you ask me.

The movie-film wasn't as dark as Sweeney [uh, hello PG rating] but it wasn't as bright and fantastical as Charlie and the Shit Factory. Fantastical maybe, but still dark. The start of the flick really excited me - it was like a Victorian-ish Kandinsky painting - with not people walking around, but over-the-top character-nitwits snobbing it up left and right as an absurdist portrait of a fancy time. Leo Bill [who played the ginger twit in the beginning and end] was delightful - a perfect caricature for a Tim Burton film. He was also in Tarsem's 'The Fall' - another visually astonishing flick.

Performance wise, you have Sir Jonathan Depp, so you kind of know what you are getting into. Also, it's Depp in a Burton flick, so you should really know what you are getting into. It's Depp for the sake of Depp - no complaints, but nothing miraculous either. The mood changing eyes and somebody always having to stop him before he goes bonkers was a nice touch. I also liked the red hair. His face bothered me quite a bit though - twas a little too stagey for me. If this was a play, it would have looked spectacular, the paleness, the cheekbones sticking out and the eyes - wow! But on film, it didn't transfer over that well to me. And besides the audibility problems, it was just OK.

I have heard wonders about Mia Bom Chicka Wawasikowska. [Fuck you Papp for getting to the word play of her last name before I could.] I have also heard about how Anne Hathaway blows. I am actually quite the opposite. I didn't have too too much of a problem with la White Queen, yes things here and there like all the gesturing and faces - but, on the other hand, we have Alice. Nothing really blew me away about Alice. I saw acting - I saw her acting - it was quite upsetting actually. You are not supposed to see acting in a movie - especially in a really good one.

I adored everything about Helena Bonham Carters' Red Queen. Besides the whole being the play-thing of the director, the role did really suit her. Perfectly over-the-top and she stole every scene she was in. Her court really did just slap me with awesomeness and I was in awe. From the monkeys holding candles and tables and such, the frogs and pigs and fish in suits, oh and the people behind her. Perfect. The other over-sized body parts were just fantastic. Ears, nose, stomach, ta-tas, and chins and foreheads and such. They didn't speak much, but visually, they packed a punch.

I wonder if Depp or Burton asked Crispin about his role in Epic Movie.

Crispin Glover. Oh, where do we begin? Besides being one of the only visual things that took me out of Wonderland, [Underland? Meh, fuck it,] he was just blehck. He is lanky and gangly already, so why add a few unnecessary feet to him? He actually wraps his "arm" around Depp's neck in one scene, and it just looked fake. Fake is a harsh term for a CGI-heavy movie - and I only wanted to use it once. He reminded me of a goth Gumby. [Fuck you Papp again for making the Back to the Future reference before I could.] I have start seeing movies sooner. Jeez.

Other performance thoughts: I guess I just wanted more Cheshire Cat, less Doormouse, A LOT more March Hare [my favorite side-character by far - the tea-party side had me chuckling like crazy,] I was fine with the Caterpillar, more lines for Matt Lucas would have been nice, (the Tweedle's were underused,) the White Rabbit was fine, the Dodo bird was forgettable, Timmy Spall's Bayard the hound was delightful, more flower people would be preferable, and finally I think I would have been content if the Jabberwocky stayed silent. Maybe they should have lent Christopher Lee's voice to the Bandersnatch. Burton had to get him in there somewhere I suppose. Anyway, I'm pretty sure if there were more of the supporting characters, that would make them not 'supporting' anymore and I suppose they would over shadow Alice MORE than they already do.

I'm pretty sure they only reason it was in 3D was because of Avatar and so that the March Hare could throw things at the audience and people could go "Whoa!" Danny Elfman's score was pretty tame, and I'm ignoring the Avril Lavigne song used for the credits. I'm a sucker for chess and playing card themed shit. I was in heaven. I also hope that Tim Burton stays away from The Addams Family. Talks are that he wants to do a stop-motion type thing and get back into that, which is a little better than a live-action or 3D version.

Yes, the story is sacrificed over a copper bowl of goat's blood so that we could be bedazzled and shma-shmazed visually, and boy does it bedazzle, but this flick does fall into some old patterns. While some think that the flick isn't Burton enough, I think it's just fine. Alice has to jump onto floating dead people's faces to get across the moat to the Red Queen's castle. Really? Not Burton enough for you? How about we throw in a Knave of Hearts rape scene? Will that satisfy your urge? The film is entertaining. It's just what I needed. I am quite the escapist, and it was nice to be transported to the creepy perverted mind of Lewis Carroll and the demented brain of Tim Burton. Besides a few dance bits at the end of the movie that I am erasing from my head, it was enjoyable.