Inception

Some early thoughts about the reception on this movie and why it's awesome. No plot points or spoilers, kind of. But, just to be safe, see the god damn movie before reading this. Just for good measure.

Holy shit Batman! It's not a sequel, it's not a comic book movie, it's not a reboot ... it's ... it's a really good movie. Really good. Yes, it blew me away, but I'm not going to deem it my new God. It's up there with the best of 'em, I mean come on, it's a Nolan Flick. A smart, complex, confusing, awesome new world that was dreamed up by Nolan whilst filming Memento (I think.) It's an action-y sci-fi heist-y crime movie. It's not groundbreaking, I mean maybe on some level for visuals, but I mean, groundbreaking? That's going a little far in my opinion.

But yes, it's a fantastic film. Fantastic performances all around, and the story - well, I'm not going to spoil anything - the story is something for you to see for yourself - I'm in no mood to try and explain it in a review of a movie. Review, not recap. Plus, it's like 16 stories in one, and when they say dreams within dreams within dreams, it's exactly like that: complex as hell. It was an an interesting journey - a very fast paced 2 and a half hour complex journey. Nolan has a few old timey movie tricks up his sleeve so that he doesn't completely lose you: isn't it nice when a new guy comes along and asks questions and gets things explained to them? Well, Ellen Page, thank you. The audience needed you. As well as some fun dialogue between Tom Hard's 'Forger' and Josph Gordon-Levitt's 'Point Man.' Again, so much is going on in this movie, but it's not hard to keep track of.

We are constantly taken care of, flashbacks, little pieces of the puzzle being added one at a time, slow motion, little reminders here and there. Twas quite nice. But yes, it's bumpy and aggravating at times - like any crazy movie - it takes time to unravel, you have to have (oh dear god,) patience! Yes, I'm talking to you, bitch three seats to my left texting and constantly checking the time. (Insert rant about how idiotic and rude and disrespectful and annoying that is HERE.)

Now, we are going to dive in to the people who are going to compare Inception to the Dark Knight. Here is a fact, just to get it out of the way, because you know, people probably don't already know: this movie IS NOT the Dark Knight. In some respects, this film is better than the Dark Knight, and in others, the Dark Knight wins. Big fucking surprise! In two years you'll get your next Batman installment, so just fucking hold tight and stop bitching. Anyway, while the emotional core of this movie is considered 'weak' by some, and I understand why, because in some sense it is pretty weak, but I got by that, I let that go and kept following the story. Nolan is a fantastic director and writer when it comes to the emotional core of a story. I mean look at Harvey effin Dent from DK. We all understood what had happened to him, we related to that, and it was emotionally devastating, which makes the end of that movie work ... well the entire movie actually. Now when comparing the emotional core, DK wins, but again, don't compare, two different movies. Entirely.

This movie is beautiful. The anti-gravity, the whole dream thing - how it works, the rules, the everything. It was nice. However, on another level, personally, I have had some pretty fucked up dreams. And some pretty fucking awesome dreams. In comparison, Nolan's dream world was pretty tame. It had to be realistic, and I understood that, it was a realistic setting, realistic movie - there was no room for unicorns and talking plants, and flying projections of your mother saying you're not good enough and such. I'm glad nobody is going into my head. A little part of me wanted to see all the dream craziness, but that's a different movie. For this movie, I bought it and it worked. I was thrown into THAT world, and for 2 and a half hours, nothing else mattered. I'm an escapist at heart, so I was at home during this flick. A good chunk of people will see this movie a second and third time. I have only seen it twice, and I plan on going only once more. The second time I caught more things, understood shit a boat load better, and I enjoyed it just as much.

The ending ... well, it's a decent ending. Leaves you with two sides. (Actually, it's kind of funny. You know that Shyamalan-ish, soap opera-y, "it was just a dream" fake out concept? Yah, well, usually it's a fairly negative thing, a complaint, but here? Here it works.) You will leave the theater talking. Debating. Arguing. Explaining. And that is fantastic! A movie that makes you think! Holy shit! It makes you think the entire way through, it makes you concentrate! And please, when the screen goes blank and the credits start to roll, listen. Just listen. You'll know everybody's response by the noise they make. I heard groaning, quite a few yes's, a few no's, an awwwww or two, a lot of silence, and several neutral guttural noises.

See it in IMAX. Totally worth it. Yeah, it's not in 3D, no heavy crazy IMAX cameras were used, but just the [hate to say it] IMAX experience is worth it. For the score and soundtrack alone, it's worth it. Hans Zimmer's the man. Johnny Marr, too. Oh yeah, and Edith Piaf. Haha Marion Cotillard. Does Nolan do commentaries? There better be one and some kick ass special features on la DVD. Don't wait for DVD on this one, if you must, see it in a regular theater. Nothing will beat that experience.

So, put on your thinking cap, prepare for a mind fuck, some great acting, masterful story telling, and a good time.

Moviegasm

I don't see a MySpace movie coming out anytime soon. Tom is too boring.

How long would a movie about Twitter be?

Due to its awesomeness, this trailer deserves it's own post.

Ooooh Jesse Eisenberg! So awkward and neurotic and DREAMY!

I bring you David Fincher's The Social Network!

May I also point out the spooky rendition of Creep by Radiohead that hovers in the background.

HTML is being a bitch so click here to see the trailer. Or here. Or here. Click here. Either or. One of them might be porn. Enjoy!

Back in Black [and Blue]

Side note: I'm currently on pain killers from an operation I had on a whole in my face, (you know, the one that talks,) and I'm still a little black and blue from the surgery. Please pardon any lack of sassyness or sarcasm in this post. If anything, I won't remember posting this because of the acid-like high I'm on right now. Candy canes! See, I have no idea what I'm saying.

This should be fun.

Seriously though, where the fuck am I?

Anyway, the summer of 2010 is well underway, along with blockbusters and shit bombs, and trailers for the Fall season! One of the only movies this summer that I'm anticipating, Inception, is coming to theaters on Friday. So, before that total mindfuck and review, I'd thought I'd point out other stuff that I recently got excited for. There will be some major linkage down below because I don't want to murder this post with a billion trailers.

First up, let's get Galifianakis out of the way. Yes, The Hangover was pretty funny, but oh by the Gods of IMDB do not let us forget his early works: that's right, I'm looking at you Corky Romano, Bubble Boy, and Out Cold!

1. Dinner For Schmucks - All you had to say was Paul Rudd. He will play a good straight-man against Steve Carrell and Galifianakis' oddball characters. Watch both trailers.
2. Due Date - Yes, next project from the director of la Hangover, Todd Phillips. It's a kind of buddy-comedy but everything goes wrong road-trip hybrid. Plus there's Robbie Downey Jr and Galifianakis! They are both on rolls. [Roles?]
   
3. And the last Galifianakis project: It's Kind of a Funny Story. This one is trailer on the page worthy:

For this next group of flicks, I'm just going to be spitting them out like ... thinks that liked to be spit out. [Lindsay Lohan knows what I mean.] Just the title, the link, and then three or four extra words and names, you know, for pizazz. PIZAZZ!

The Other Guys - Will Ferrell being loud. Surprise. And Wahlberg, Mark Wahlberg.

Scott Pilgrim VS The World - Edgar Wright - 'nough said.

Let Me In - The sad kid from The Road. And the director of Cloverfield. And vampires.

Get Low - Bill Murray - 'nough said

The Adjustment Bureau - Just plain old mildly interested in this one. Mildly.

RED - John Malkovich as John Malkovich in: John Malkovich. Helen Mirren is a fox.

Devil - M. Night. Shama-suck is involved with this one. The trailer is ... surprisingly spooky - oh god, he's just getting my hopes up again. DAMN YOU!

And if there is one thing that this post has taught me, always fully watch/check the link before you post it. Always.

Fucking YouTube.

Funny Things That I Think Are Funny [12]

Oh, wait, Stalin was just a jerk? Ohhhhhhh - that explains it. This is funny for the sole reason of it's stupidity. People are dumb. What's left of the History Major inside of me just EXPLODED.

Spring has Sprong!

Or is it sprang? Sprung? Spring - wait, no. Spryng? Well shit. The weather is getting nicer - fuck it. Here is a pretty picture of flowers and maybe a kitten:

I think I may vomit.

Well anyway, just in time for Spring, here is a movie review. It involves all things spring: medical students on spring break, the Norwegian Alps, snow, zombies, Nazi's, and Nazi-Zombies.

Zombies: oh yes, I do enjoy a good zombie film. Nazis: I am quite the history buff and I do enjoy Hitler and his shenanigans. Wait, these two things together? Nazi-Zombies? HELL YES! This movie was cliche-tastic! This flick embraced them, exploited them, made reference to a few of them, and made it look ultra-gory-licious. Many people are saying this is a clear rip-off of Evil Dead 1 & 2 and apparently there is a WWII video game with Nazi Zombies ... but I say you can never get enough Nazi-Zombies, and when one wants to include them in any aspect of entertainment: DO IT!

The movie itself in dialogue references Evil Dead 1 & 2, and there are some awesome deaths, [with one in particular that is quite Evil Dead-ish,] so this movie is more of an homage to that flick and other films like it. The walking cliche, Erlend (a fat funny guy obsessed with movies - who has sex first ... hint hint,) is even wearing a "Brain Dead" t-shirt!!! Brain Dead aka Dead Alive aka my all time favorite Peter Jackson movie and classic horror comedy shtick flick.

I said 'Dead Alive' - not the band Dead or Alive. Shit.

You spin me right round baby right round! One of my favorite cliche-erific moments was when the few cabin mates left decide to split up. Not only does that mean certain death, but the two that leave the cabin then think about splitting up themselves!! That's double the death! So, if you like your horror movies cliche-tastic-erific, funny, subtitled, gory, and quite snowy, you are in luck sir.

I can't tell you how many times any given character heard a noise far away, said "Hello? Anybody there?" or said the another characters name and then investigated it further. I lost count after the 6th time. Yes, and it had one of my favorite, slightly under-used cliche, the accidental death, or the "whoopsy daisy," as Daniel Day-Lewis might say. PS: one of the actors names is Stig Frode Henriksen. Really. That is his name. By the way, the opening scene of this moofie was fantastic. Or it just could be my love for classical music and chase sequences.

Alice in Whatderland

Alice in ... Wonderland? Underland? Whatderland?

Just to get this out of the way: I'm done with people complaining about how this film wasn't 'Tim Burton-y enough' or it was 'light/diet Tim Burton.' I'm not saying this is like at-his-best wacky Beetlejuice or Eddie Scissorhands Tim Burton, but it's far better than [dare I speak of it,] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yes, goths and Hot Topic-tards are going to rejoice with the black & white striped clothing that will be released, with a splash of red here and there, but who are you to judge what is and isn't Tim Burton? I think that's up to his fucked up head if you ask me.

The movie-film wasn't as dark as Sweeney [uh, hello PG rating] but it wasn't as bright and fantastical as Charlie and the Shit Factory. Fantastical maybe, but still dark. The start of the flick really excited me - it was like a Victorian-ish Kandinsky painting - with not people walking around, but over-the-top character-nitwits snobbing it up left and right as an absurdist portrait of a fancy time. Leo Bill [who played the ginger twit in the beginning and end] was delightful - a perfect caricature for a Tim Burton film. He was also in Tarsem's 'The Fall' - another visually astonishing flick.

Performance wise, you have Sir Jonathan Depp, so you kind of know what you are getting into. Also, it's Depp in a Burton flick, so you should really know what you are getting into. It's Depp for the sake of Depp - no complaints, but nothing miraculous either. The mood changing eyes and somebody always having to stop him before he goes bonkers was a nice touch. I also liked the red hair. His face bothered me quite a bit though - twas a little too stagey for me. If this was a play, it would have looked spectacular, the paleness, the cheekbones sticking out and the eyes - wow! But on film, it didn't transfer over that well to me. And besides the audibility problems, it was just OK.

I have heard wonders about Mia Bom Chicka Wawasikowska. [Fuck you Papp for getting to the word play of her last name before I could.] I have also heard about how Anne Hathaway blows. I am actually quite the opposite. I didn't have too too much of a problem with la White Queen, yes things here and there like all the gesturing and faces - but, on the other hand, we have Alice. Nothing really blew me away about Alice. I saw acting - I saw her acting - it was quite upsetting actually. You are not supposed to see acting in a movie - especially in a really good one.

I adored everything about Helena Bonham Carters' Red Queen. Besides the whole being the play-thing of the director, the role did really suit her. Perfectly over-the-top and she stole every scene she was in. Her court really did just slap me with awesomeness and I was in awe. From the monkeys holding candles and tables and such, the frogs and pigs and fish in suits, oh and the people behind her. Perfect. The other over-sized body parts were just fantastic. Ears, nose, stomach, ta-tas, and chins and foreheads and such. They didn't speak much, but visually, they packed a punch.

I wonder if Depp or Burton asked Crispin about his role in Epic Movie.

Crispin Glover. Oh, where do we begin? Besides being one of the only visual things that took me out of Wonderland, [Underland? Meh, fuck it,] he was just blehck. He is lanky and gangly already, so why add a few unnecessary feet to him? He actually wraps his "arm" around Depp's neck in one scene, and it just looked fake. Fake is a harsh term for a CGI-heavy movie - and I only wanted to use it once. He reminded me of a goth Gumby. [Fuck you Papp again for making the Back to the Future reference before I could.] I have start seeing movies sooner. Jeez.

Other performance thoughts: I guess I just wanted more Cheshire Cat, less Doormouse, A LOT more March Hare [my favorite side-character by far - the tea-party side had me chuckling like crazy,] I was fine with the Caterpillar, more lines for Matt Lucas would have been nice, (the Tweedle's were underused,) the White Rabbit was fine, the Dodo bird was forgettable, Timmy Spall's Bayard the hound was delightful, more flower people would be preferable, and finally I think I would have been content if the Jabberwocky stayed silent. Maybe they should have lent Christopher Lee's voice to the Bandersnatch. Burton had to get him in there somewhere I suppose. Anyway, I'm pretty sure if there were more of the supporting characters, that would make them not 'supporting' anymore and I suppose they would over shadow Alice MORE than they already do.

I'm pretty sure they only reason it was in 3D was because of Avatar and so that the March Hare could throw things at the audience and people could go "Whoa!" Danny Elfman's score was pretty tame, and I'm ignoring the Avril Lavigne song used for the credits. I'm a sucker for chess and playing card themed shit. I was in heaven. I also hope that Tim Burton stays away from The Addams Family. Talks are that he wants to do a stop-motion type thing and get back into that, which is a little better than a live-action or 3D version.

Yes, the story is sacrificed over a copper bowl of goat's blood so that we could be bedazzled and shma-shmazed visually, and boy does it bedazzle, but this flick does fall into some old patterns. While some think that the flick isn't Burton enough, I think it's just fine. Alice has to jump onto floating dead people's faces to get across the moat to the Red Queen's castle. Really? Not Burton enough for you? How about we throw in a Knave of Hearts rape scene? Will that satisfy your urge? The film is entertaining. It's just what I needed. I am quite the escapist, and it was nice to be transported to the creepy perverted mind of Lewis Carroll and the demented brain of Tim Burton. Besides a few dance bits at the end of the movie that I am erasing from my head, it was enjoyable.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [11]

I want a lamb. RIGHT NOW.



I really really need to buy a farm or some animals or something. There will be cute videos and pictures flying out of this blog like nobody's business!

I also need to buy a gun - to shoot the woman speaking in this video. Maybe the lamb was trying to get away from her hideous shriek of a voice.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [10]

A funny SNL skit? Yah, there are still some out there. Thank you Bobby Moynihan and Pearl Jam, thank you.



Things that should have got a laugh [or a bigger laugh:] Jude Law's many crazy faces, the "Everyone here is smoking on the plane" line, Bobby Moynihan in the "Gremlin" suit, and the last minute of the sketch with the 'Gremlin' wife.

Bravo SNL.

Pan's Labyrinth

Let me guess. You saw this and just shit yourself, right?

I recently told somebody that I haven't seen Pan's Labyrinth ... and they scolded me. Harshly. Now that I have indeed seen this movie film, I know why their tongue was so quick to lash out. This flick is gorgeous. Is it a fairy tale? Yes. Is it a war movie? Yes. Like Papp said, this move works on several different levels. I don't know what kind of mythologies and fairy tales that del Toro grew up with, but they would probably scare the shit out of me. I might show this movie to my kids when they turn 17. Maybe. It depends on how many nightmares I want to give them. Hell, my father let me see A Clockwork Orange and The Shining when I was 11 years old, and there is nothing wrong with me! [Wait, just thought about that ... this actually explains a lot. I am fucked up! HA!] Thanks dad.

Anyway, I am a fan of anything Cafe FX - the special effects throughout looked amazing. Violence wise ... fairy/insect wise ... blood and such. Cafe also did a lot of work on Stephen King's The Mist. I love dark, dark movies and color palates because when there is blood, it really POPS. The motions and movements of Faun and Pale Man still creep me out - Doug Jones is a master of miming and movement and he just rocked it. Something I have been mentioning in recent reviews are acts and examples of 'Character Douchebaggery.' The Captain [Vidal] is certainly a douche nozzle, and it almost reaches Col. Hans Landa proportions. Near the end of the flick, with his encounter with a knife, his "smile" reminded me of Jack Nicholson's Joker. I cringed and flipped out and just lost it at that point.

That is how invested I was in the characters and in the story [stories.] del Toro has a masterpiece here - it delighted me, frightened me, and upset me. It made me think. Oh, and can we just talk a second about transitions? Every single time this movie transitioned into another scene I was just in awe. It was done superbly - subtle but amazing. Now I'm humming that lullaby - I just watched the second disc with the special features and he just went into detail about the colors and look of the movie. [I think he knew I was writing this.] See this movie. Reminded me of the movie 'The Fall' - many different levels and layers - the colors themselves tell a story - effective editing and such. They are both great flicks.

I think Ebert said that this is a 'fairy tale for grown ups.' I agree and disagree with that. It tingles my inner child, so could it be a fairy tale for that? It's certainly not just for kids - I have a poor dead Spanish boy with his face broken and nose smashed in from the movie in to agree with me. Some parts yes, others no. All in all, it's an orgy for the senses - it feeds your imagination and creeps you the fuck out. It's brilliant. Just brilliant.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [9]

She's just a stupid bitch!

Papp Schnapp's Movie Recaps: Spiderman 3

I am pleased to bring back my friend John Papp's sassy and awesome movie reviews and other such nonsense. Oh, and with all this talk of a Spiderman reboot with maybe-director Mark Webb from (500) Days of Summer fame, and the shitty Spiderman broadway musical that has been delayed thousands of times, what can be more relevant? Here is a short but sweet one:

Looks almost as painful as watching this movie.

[Note, this shit has zero stars. I only gave it half so you could see the review.]

This movie is a piece of fucking shit.

The entire thing is so lazily fucking put together, that Sam Raimi couldn't give a shit whether we're interested or not, he just wants our fucking money.

First of all, these characters are adults. So why do they fucking act like little pussy emo bitches who cry and whine and go to the mall? God, the script makes every possible character (including Aunt May) into a black-wearing, long hair over the face-sporting, eye shadow-wearing emo fucking cunt. When Peter goes "evil"? Yeah, he turns emo. Ooooh, character development!

Yeah, fuck this steaming pile of horse vomit.

Villains? Way too fucking many. Fuck Venom. Why did Topher Grace play him? Can someone answer that? A musclebound alien played by the dork from That 70s Show? Tom Church's Sandman is played well, but the movie stops giving a shit about him halfway through. James Franco squints and pouts like a little spoiled brat.... Er, okay. That's fine, then. Franco's cool.

But there are so many goddamn characters jammed into this, that none of them serve any purpose whatsoever. By the time the movie's done, you've stopped caring at all, because the only thing mattering are the effects, which, while awesome, shouldn't be the main draw considering the previous two were about characterization.

AND THAT STUPID PLOT TWIST. "Hi, I'm the butler who's gonna show up in the 3rd act and change your personality completely and then fade into the background!"

Who fucking wrote this movie, a retarded giraffe?

Spider-Man 3 is the worst movie I've ever seen.

Not really, but I'm glad to say that I enjoy Batman & Robin more than this stupid, unfunny, and ultimately retarded attempt at me exchanging money for a shit-smeared dog semen fest that calls itself a "movie".

Zero fucking stars.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [8]

Catchphrase!

Oh, and Oscars wise, I pretty much nailed them besides Best Foreign Language Film and some of the technical awards. Twas an easy year for guessing.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [7]

French people are le crazy.

70 Million de Hold Your Horses !
by logreproduction

YAY ART!

Brendan Fraser, You Need To Stop.

Please, take this request, just stop it. Stop what, you ask? Everything. Just stop. STOP! We all saw your awkward clap at the Golden Globes, and most of us didn't see Journey to the Center of the Earth, but you Brendan Fraser, need to stop. What? You didn't see his ridiculous clap? Well here is the link: prepare to lose a few brain cells.

You know the voice he used in George of the Jungle? That is his real voice. In real life.

Well anyway, I am done with his career. I think he has had a good run. And when I say "I think he has had a good run" I mean that most of his filmography can be found on VHS tapes at the bottom of a toy box in an abandoned orphanage that has been set on fire. Twice.

His latest film, or abomination of cinema, or cine-bortion rather, is aptly titled Furry Vengeance. I now realize that when I say cine-bortion out load, I imagine cinnamon buns and delightful bakery treats rather than the hell and pain that Brendan Fraser has put me through these past few years. Sadly, the trailer is below - but only for the use of "told you so" and "see what I mean" and "oh my god, my eyes, my eyes are on fire, I want to kill everybody!"



Apologies to Blondie, the country of Canada, any animal involved with the making of this film, and to Brendan Fraser, because now it's just sad. His nature-themed or geography-tastic films have gone to far. Remember the good old days of Air Heads? I remember coming home from school and it was on Comedy Central or VH1: Movies that Rock. Now it's, well, all three Mummy movies [if you want to even consider the third one part of the franchise,] Dudley Do-Right, [Echk,] that Looney Tunes: Back in Action movie [Echk times 2,] Journey to the Center of the Earth [and the upcoming untitled sequel, unfortunately,] Bedazzled I don't really have a problem with that much, kind of, but what the FUCK was Monkeybone? How high did you have to be to enjoy that movie? Oh, and wasn't he in Crash? How dare the Academy affiliate themselves with Brendan Fraser.

I can't even begin to tear apart the above trailer. Remember the last time Hollywood tried to tackle the whole green issue in a proposed "blockbuster" fashion? Remember what movie tanked that was also a sequel to one of the funniest Jim Carey movies since Liar Liar? Yes - we are talking about the awful, shameful, shit-tastic, deserved to win the Razzie, yup you guessed it: Evan Almighty. And John Goodman was in it! I'm not saying that Furry Vengeance is trying or is going for 'bloclbuster' glory, and I'm not even going to try and predict the box office weekend or grand total gross, because I'd probably be wrong. Journey to the Center of the Earth made over 100 million bucks over all which to me is just UNFATHOMABLE.

Well, I am just going to ignore this trailer, and hope the the R-rated and PG-13 movies I see don't have a trailer for it. The port-a-potty gag is just bad - unless they sign on with McDonalds to make a line of toys with Brendan Fraser covered in shit. Let's see, if I had to briefly be a fortune teller or a dude who can see into the future and use his powers to describe shitty movies, I'd say there will be a plethora of funny [boarder-line retarded] faces on behalf of Mr. Fraser, we already know about the port-a-potty gag via the trailer, but we can probably add anywhere from 3 to 10 'getting hit in the crotch' gags, along with hundreds of shitty CGI animals, a messy 'people=bad environment=good' message, one more crotch gag, and some really terrible one-liners.

Working with animals, real or fake, is tough. Did Dr. Doolittle 2 teach us nothing? So, just, Brendan Fraser, would you stop hurting me, please? Make the pain go away! Oh well - the Oscars are next Sunday so I guess I'll just hang in there until then. I have nothing else to say, besides maybe what is your favorite Brendan Fraser movie? And if that question boggles you and you can't think straight - then answer what is your least favorite Brendan Fraser moofie? And Sarah Palin, if you are reading this, apologies for using the word "retarded." You retard.

Oscars Schmoscars

Shiny gold statues. Blabbering celebrities. Dresses and shit. It's time for the Academy Awards! This time they are on ABC, they're 82 years old, and still as shitty as ever. I guess they caught Alec Baldwin in between taping 30 Rock and screaming at his daughter, while Steve Martin was not that busy evading producers and writers trying to show him the Pink Panther 3 script.

That is probably why they are hosting. Who will get swindled this year? What fancy-tie and jeans combo will James Cameron be sporting? Well I guess we will find out March 7th. I was horribly off with my Golden Globe predictions, so let's see how judgmental and wrong I'll be this time.

Will Tilda Swinton slither away from her alien subterranean cave for the red carpet this year?

Seriously though, Tilda Swinton is not from this planet. I actually google image searched her and had no problem trying to find an alien-like photo. On the other hand, it was pretty hard to find a photo where she looked human. A problem that no other celebrity has ... well maybe besides Gary Busey. I don't know what she was up to this year - maybe her human surrogate broke? Harvesting eggs? Growing some new skin? Who knows. All I know is that she scares me. A lot.

Anyways - usually after the Golden Globes and the British Oscars [BAFTA,] we have a good understanding of who may win what and who we don't care about. This year there is an interesting spin, with the expansion of the Best Picture category. It's all about that green stuff - not greed or envy or boogers - just cash. More movie DVD cases can write 'Best Picture Nominee' on it and such. Zang! Hollywood exposed. Right here. Information nobody else ever knew!!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to set it up like I did with the Globes - Who I WANT to win will be in red, Who I THINK will win will be in green, and if they are the SAME, it'll be in blue. I'm not anti-Avatar. It was a good movie. The best movie? Meh. I think that Avatar and District 9 will do very, very well with the technical awards - Star Trek may slip one or two in there. Now, again disclaimer: some of the nominees I want to win I know will not win - but hey, a boy can dream, right? And the nominees I think will win are just based off of popularity and the GG's and the British Oscars and buzz and such.

Performance by an actor in a leading role:

• Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart"
  
• George Clooney in "Up in the Air"
  
• Colin Firth in "A Single Man"
  
• Morgan Freeman in "Invictus"
  
• Jeremy Renner in "The Hurt Locker"
  

Performance by an actor in a supporting role:

• Matt Damon in "Invictus"
  
• Woody Harrelson in "The Messenger"
  
• Christopher Plummer in "The Last Station"
  
• Stanley Tucci in "The Lovely Bones"
  
• Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds"
  

Performance by an actress in a leading role:

• Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side"
  
• Helen Mirren in "The Last Station"
• Carey Mulligan in "An Education"
  
• Gabourey Sidibe in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
  
• Meryl Streep in "Julie & Julia"
  

Performance by an actress in a supporting role:

• Penélope Cruz in "Nine"
• Vera Farmiga in "Up in the Air"
  
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Crazy Heart"
  
• Anna Kendrick in "Up in the Air"
  
• Mo'Nique in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

Best motion picture of the year:

• "Avatar"

• "The Blind Side"

• "District 9"

• "An Education"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• "A Serious Man"

• "Up"

• "Up in the Air"

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

• "Avatar"

• "Fantastic Mr. Fox"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Sherlock Holmes"

• "Up"	Michael Giacchino

Achievement in directing:

• "Avatar"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• "Up in the Air"

Best foreign language film of the year:

• "Ajami"

• "El Secreto de Sus Ojos"

• "The Milk of Sorrow"

• "Un Prophète"

• "The White Ribbon"

Enjoy the show. Laugh at the weird reaction shots of random people in the audience. Go online and look up a drinking game for the awards ceremony. Make an Oscar Nomination Pool - put in some dough and maybe you'll get some. Watch with friends, make masks, eat, drink, have fun. Don't be the snobby movie critic and be pissy the entire night and ruin everything. I've seen that happen too many times. The night is just a waste of resources! Viva la Hollywood!

More Like 'Shudder Island'

Pardon the title - I've been feeling rather punny lately.

I'm surprised your still here after reading the first sentence of this post.

Martin Scorsese. Leo DiCaprio. A book to big screen remake of a Dennis Lehane novel. What more could you want? Don't be selfish now. I really really enjoyed this movie - I was hesitant after the release date was pushed back about a million times and then I watched the trailer too many times and thought I knew what was going to happen. Ha, WRONG! DiCaprio was kick ass in this flick, and if he is just as awesome as I think he'll be in Christopher Nolan's latest mind fuck Inception, I'll have an official man crush.

Now, again, just like the last moofie I took a look at, [District 9,] I will call Shutter Island a hybrid. Psychological Thriller/Drama/Crime-Noir-ish/Suspense/Hitchcockian/War-time/Dark and unrelenting, and other such descriptive words. It mixed and matched very well. It went above and beyond what I was thinking the film would do. The first hint at it's visual astonishment was during the trailer when he is holding his wife and she turns to ash. That was the first spark where I went 'Oooooh!' But again, just to beat into your heads, the visuals were breathtaking - not just the island, but the flashbacks and the contrast and how angry and harsh the reds were.

They kick your ass with the whole gloom and doom thing with the first ten minutes with the score. It just screams "Turn this boat around NOWW!!" And then there is the cliche line "A storms-a-coming." It all adds up. If the score doesn't crush your soul, then the grays and gothic look to everything will slit your throat. Please - Cinematographer, Art Director, DP, show yourselves!! I want to shake your hand[s.]

Now the last thing I want to ruin is the story, the plot - because it builds, it goes somewhere, and it doesn't stop. It just keeps pounding on you like the waves on the cliff-ridden island. You have to see it for yourself - collect the facts that are given to you, deduce some things, think and think and think. Now, I can see people being very 50/50 on this film - a very either 'Loved it' or 'Hated it' type-of-thing. Now it depends - how well do you like being fooled, like with twists and such? Some films are just hated for their twist - audiences hate being tricked, lied to and such. They see the build us as just a waste of time and then shit all over it. It can be very negative. I, however, enjoy the ride. And in most cases, the twists and turns as well.

This is not a perfect film - close maybe, but not perfect. It's few downfalls and mistakes are forgivable. Like you go 'Awww,' for a few seconds and then move on. That's what I did. The cast, in my opinion, only added to the awesomeness of the movie. I don't want to let you know which actor played this and what actress played that, because it was nice to see the talent make surprise appearances. Like when a character is introduced and you go 'Baah, that's whats' his face from you know what! Ooooo!' I love that. I did that several times during the film. The performances stand out on their own. They are all incredible.

Lastly, as a movie-goer, or film fanatic, or boyfriend/girlfriend dragged to a movie, or anything, don't get angry when a story or a character or a movie leaves you with questions. Some see a movie's job as "Hey, ask some fricken questions and then answer them, thank you very much." When it just so happens to not answer a question, or makes you scratch your head and go 'huh' or if it leaves you thinking, it did it's job. It got you to think! THINK! Shutter Island successfully does this. It's more than a movie: it's a thought, a question. YES!

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [6]

Lost.

Valentine's Day.

How could these two possibly be connected?

LOST VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS!!

Found em' on LiveJournal.







LOOOOOOOOOSSSSTT!

The Real Winner? Capitalism.

I bought a Snickers bar last night. I caved. Fuck you Super Bowl Ads!!

They worked. Good thing this shitty economy didn't screw things up for those corporations, right? Thank God!!!

These were my favorite commercials - totally didn't watch the game, just went on YouTube and Hulu and watched the ad re-cap.

[1] - This one hit all the sensors - I was creeped out, I laughed, I cried, I wanted to take a shower.


[2] - Michael C. Hall's voice. 'Nough said.


[3] - My love for Betty White, Snickers, and hurting old people will never cease.

Today Is Not About Football!

Apparently it's all about commercials.

I read an article this morning about how this economic climate may effect [yup, you guessed it,] the Super Bowl ads and possibly even the half-time show. Where else can one spend almost 2.6 million dollars on thirty seconds? Oh my dear lord, in this economy where I can only afford ketchup packets and used pillow cases, what are the mega-corporations going to do for the Super Bowl?

Bra ad?: Nope! Beer ad?: Wrong. Buy Cheerios. NOWWWW.

What will they do? How are they going to tell me what soft drink to mercilessly inject into myself for the next year? I need talking animals selling me candies and booze! Where are the bikinis? What do you mean no bikinis? I might as well just kill myself and my family during the first quarter. Go Saints.

Oh, here is one of my all time favorite commercials from la Super Bowl. I think it was from two or so years ago, but it got pulled right after it aired - they never showed it again. I had no idea Robot Suicide was that ballsy. Who needs political correctness?



And then there is this one: again, not that funny, but something about Robert Goulet crawling on the ceiling just gave me nightmares for the rest of the month.



Enjoy the game - watch the commercials - buy buy, sell sell. Be a good consumer. Capitalism is alive and well, [today at least.] Big bro is watching you. He is also rooting for the Colts. Fuck him.

Lost In Space

Driving to New Hampshire tonight. The odds of finding the island on Lost: highly unlikely.


I need to find something to do [besides re-watching Lost] until the season premiere.

OH - I have an idea: how about stare at this little countdown clock?



Done and done.

[And it might be in the wrong time zone. Meh.]

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [5]

AWKWARD EDITION!

Well, with the title of this blog I think it makes sense.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Also, something I wrote about the NBC Conan/Leno shenanigans: http://perspicacity1.com/2010/1/15.html

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [4]

If you don't laugh, giggle, snort or chuckle at this, well, then you are the devil.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [3]

It's about time Saturday Night Live started getting funny again.

Most hip young people I talk to don't like the MacGruber sketches, and now that there is talk of a movie in the works, they better sell the shit out of it. Look at the cast! Shit. You go Will Forte.

Here is the latest MacGruber sketch - I laughed out loud a plethora of times.

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [2]

Hip cool pop culture reference!

Funny video below ... I'm pretty sure it's a tad bit better if you've seen the flick.

Is this in poor taste? Most definitely. But totally worth it.

Also have to find a way where the video does not block the right side of the blog.

HORSEYS!

Funny Things I Think Are Funny [1]

Yup. You guessed it. I post things that I think are funny. Pretty self-explanatory if you ask me. Today's installment: a youtube video.



Enjoy.

Do The Golden Globes Really Count?

Well, no, not really. {Kind of.} They exist to hold us off until The Oscars. Award Shows - why do we care? Why do we watch them? To see which blabbers are cut off by classy music? To see if Tilda Swinton comes out of her human shell [we all know she is an alien.] Jeez, why is the red carpet ceremony so long? I know I don't care about it. Who is wearing what animal that was labored for over 16 and a half hours by migrant slave children? How many migrant slave children died whilst making YOUR dress?

Why are they smiling? Angelina's dress is not made yet and their hands are not even bleeding!

I'll be watching for one reason: Ricky Gervais is hosting. [Don't believe me? Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TJBzcP3Q6g] He is funny - he will probably veer away from the teleprompter a few times - nothing unusual. The winners don't really matter. It's all about DVD sales and shiny gold and silver stickers that say "Golden Globe Nominee" or "Oscar Winner" or something. Money and Hollywood politics. That's pretty much it.

Shiny Paperweight. That's all it is.

I am watching though, so why not make a predictions list? It shall keep me busy and we can all see just how bad I am at guessing at things like this. I'll post how many I got right after the show, you know, if I didn't do that poorly. It's divided up into 2 categories: [1] The one I WANT to win & [2] The one I THINK will win. It's cool when they turn out to be the same. [When this occurs, it will be in BLUE.] I'll let you know when I'm guessing aka just plain bullshitting. [Look for the color brown. Bullshit, get it?] I took out a few categories I knew nothing about. Here we go. Enjoy:

Sorry about the caps - I'm a lazy copier and paster.

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

a. AVATAR
b. THE HURT LOCKER
c. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
d. PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
e. UP IN THE AIR

2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

a. EMILY BLUNT [THE YOUNG VICTORIA]
b. SANDRA BULLOCK [THE BLIND SIDE]
c. HELEN MIRREN [THE LAST STATION]
d. CAREY MULLIGAN [AN EDUCATION]
e. GABOUREY SIDIBE [PRECIOUS]

3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

a. JEFF BRIDGES [CRAZY HEART]
b. GEORGE CLOONEY [UP IN THE AIR]
c. COLIN FIRTH [A SINGLE MAN]
d. MORGAN FREEMAN [INVICTUS]
e. TOBEY MAGUIRE [BROTHERS]

4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

a. (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
b. THE HANGOVER
c. IT’S COMPLICATED
d. JULIE & JULIA
e. NINE

5. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

a. SANDRA BULLOCK [THE PROPOSAL]
b. MARION COTILLARD [NINE]
c. JULIA ROBERTS [DUPLICITY]
d. MERYL STREEP [IT’S COMPLICATED]
e. MERYL STREEP [JULIE & JULIA]

6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

a. MATT DAMON [THE INFORMANT!]
b. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS [NINE]
c. ROBERT DOWNEY JR [SHERLOCK HOLMES]
d. JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT [(500) DAYS OF SUMMER]
e. MICHAEL STUHLBARG [A SERIOUS MAN]

7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

a. CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS
b. CORALINE
c. FANTASTIC MR. FOX
d. THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG
e. UP

9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

a. PENÉLOPE CRUZ [NINE]
b. VERA FARMIGA [UP IN THE AIR]
c. ANNA KENDRICK [UP IN THE AIR]
d. MO’NIQUE [PRECIOUS]
e. JULIANNE MOORE [A SINGLE MAN]

10. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

a. MATT DAMON [INVICTUS]
b. WOODY HARRELSON [THE MESSENGER]
c. CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER [THE LAST STATION]
d. STANLEY TUCCI [THE LOVELY BONES]
e. CHRISTOPH WALTZ [INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS]

11. BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

a. KATHRYN BIGELOW [THE HURT LOCKER]
b. JAMES CAMERON [AVATAR]
c. CLINT EASTWOOD [INVICTUS]
d. JASON REITMAN [UP IN THE AIR]
e. QUENTIN TARANTINO [INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS]

12. BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

a. NEILL BLOMKAMP, TERRI TATCHELL[ DISTRICT 9]
b. MARK BOAL [THE HURT LOCKER]
c. NANCY MEYERS [IT'S COMPLICATED]
d. JASON REITMAN, SHELDON TURNER [UP IN THE AIR]
e. QUENTIN TARANTINO [INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS]

15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

a. BIG LOVE (HBO)
b. DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
c. HOUSE (FOX)
d. MAD MEN (AMC)
e. TRUE BLOOD (HBO)

16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

a. GLENN CLOSE [DAMAGES]
b. JANUARY JONES [MAD MEN]
c. JULIANNA MARGULIES [THE GOOD WIFE]
d. ANNA PAQUIN [TRUE BLOOD]
e. KYRA SEDGWICK [THE CLOSER]

17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

a. SIMON BAKER [THE MENTALIST]
b. MICHAEL C. HALL[DEXTER]
c. JON HAMM [MAD MEN]
d. HUGH LAURIE [HOUSE]
e. BILL PAXTON [BIG LOVE]

18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

a. 30 ROCK (NBC)
b. ENTOURAGE (HBO)
c. GLEE (FOX)
d. MODERN FAMILY (ABC)
e. THE OFFICE (NBC)

19. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

a. TONI COLLETTE [UNITED STATES OF TARA]
b. COURTENEY COX [COUGAR TOWN]
c. EDIE FALCO [NURSE JACKIE]
d. TINA FEY [30 ROCK]
e. LEA MICHELE [GLEE]

20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

a. ALEC BALDWIN [30 ROCK]
b. STEVE CARELL [THE OFFICE]
c. DAVID DUCHOVNY [CALIFORNICATION]
d. THOMAS JANE [HUNG]
e. MATTHEW MORRISON [GLEE]

24. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

a. JANE ADAMS [HUNG]
b. ROSE BYRNE [DAMAGES]
c. JANE LYNCH [GLEE]
d. JANET McTEER [INTO THE STORM]
e. CHLOË SEVIGNY [BIG LOVE]

25. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

a. MICHAEL EMERSON [LOST]
b. NEIL PATRICK HARRIS [HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER]
c. WILLIAM HURT [DAMAGES]
d. JOHN LITHGOW [DEXTER]
e. JEREMY PIVEN [ENTOURAGE]

Up in the Air

Occasionally a movie comes along, such as this one, and tingles the very fiber of my being. Other awful ways of saying it: touches my heart, pokes my soul, tickles my asshole, gives me a back rub with a very special, happy ending. Dirty enough for you? Well anyway - I was in la cinema with approximately twenty other folks - age wise, it was almost split half and half. Hipsters my age, couples in their forties/fifties, and the ancient, dusty elderly.

Remember that scene in Airplane? No? Fine. No more offbeat references for you then.

A good movie will make you laugh, a great movie will make you laugh and think and realize something about yourself. This is a great movie. When something happened, humorous or not, that I laughed at, I noticed nobody else in my age group laughed or even snickered. It was myself, the forty/fifty somethings, and the dinosaurs that were chuckling and chortling. [Go ahead, google the word chortle.] I'm pretty sure the only time the peeps my age laughed was after a one-liner from Vera Farmiga. I'm also pretty sure the only reason why they laughed was because the word 'vagina' was involved. That, along with several other instances, is when I got a-thinking ... about life, myself, my very existence, about vagina's and so forth. That is what a great movie will do. This certainly is a flick for our time ... not necessary this decade, surely this year, and probably the past few years. Is this picture a comedy? Is it a tragedy? No and no.

It's a Jason Reitman experience. His films are certainly nothing but astonishing - and this one is at the top of the list. He can make you laugh, he can make your eyes start to water, he can make you run the gauntlet of emotion in an instant. This movie is driven by everything - the three lead actors, the story, the characters, the hip soundtrack - everything. Usually scenes and transitions that are just landscape shots [aerials] anything, get on my nerves. [See Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Wait, shit, don't see that movie - I would never wish that upon anybody. Just, errrr, take my word for it.] The transitions didn't annoy me - they felt appropriate [given the title of the flick,] and the cast was very well rounded - the supporting cast [Galifianakis, JK Simmons, Sam Elliott...the list goes on...] and the real people that have been fired recently that appeared on screen, some actors, some real people. Those testimonials were a nice touch. Oh, and Reitman was up to his usual indie-hipster awesome cool soundtrack thing as well.

Nothing new - Michael Cera = awkward teenager / Kat Dennings = rebellious teenager. We've seen this before. You know, every movie they have ever been in. EVER.

The length felt just right, even though there were two times where I thought the movie was actually over. I have to find the book that this film is based off of. That is my next quest. I can't wait for Reitman's next feature - he just blows me away. G-man Clooney, Vera Farmiga [who was delightful in Orphan,] and this Anna Kendrick person were perfect. Twas the case with Kendrick and a receptionist dude played by Chris Lowell that I had deja-vu with - I enjoyed them thoroughly and I think I've seen them before. I want to see more of them. Kendrick surprised me the most. All the performances were just splendid - Vera is amazing and has a body to match - I mean DAMN! Not sure if she qualifies for Milf status yet, but mmmm. Danny McBride was a surprise - up to his usual humor and then a few nice moments.

So many airport related sexual innuendos, so little time.

I hope [and probably secretly know] that this movie better be recognized - any aspect really. I found myself connecting with Clooney's inner escapist and his philosophies a little too tooo much. It was getting scary. I have a new motto and it was one of my favorite nuggets from the flick - "Life is better with company." That and "Never trust a dude in a tunic," oddly enough, the latter one was said by Danny McBride in Land if the Lost. I don't recall ever going on about a movie for this long - so a new goal and bar set. I loved this movie. I am seeing it again. Soon. Life is indeed better with company. See this movie with everybody. Now.